I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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