good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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