I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
