in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
