would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
