someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
