dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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