I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
