Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
honey bunches of taint.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
