a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
