I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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