I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize