whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
