O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am naked and annoyed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
