Pants 0. Shit 1.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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