I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i love accidental penises.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize