i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
