My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
