i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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