It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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