I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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