so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
