Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Will you blow on my dice?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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