It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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