So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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