Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
