I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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