So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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