I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
