come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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