During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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