my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
