Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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