whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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