You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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