Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
