I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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