hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Found the puke drawer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
