My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
