just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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