if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
