guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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