Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
