I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
