For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
