Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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