In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize