your parents love me but you hate me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
