I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
