Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
