I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
