The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize