Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
