woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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