everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
