The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
