So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your penis caused this!
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