You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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