The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
