now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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