i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Randomize