Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
