OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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