i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize