There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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