8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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