I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
