just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
