We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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