Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
