do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
