Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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