I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
