Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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