I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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