I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
