Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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