i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
