He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
