Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
