my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
