Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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