His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
