So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
