"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
