i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
