what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize