if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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