The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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