why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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