I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
