I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
